I like a girl.

But it's 12 o'clock.

So I can't write much.

Because I have to go to sleep.

;)

Man, I've dropped the ball this week.

School was canceled all week because of the fires. (I live in San Diego and go to San Diego State)

I had two midterms scheduled for last week, one in Math and one in Chemistry. I was not at all prepared for either of them.

So what did I do all week, while I should have been studying my ass off?!?! NOT A DAMN THING.

Anyways, a lot has happened, I feel kind of depressed right now and I've been avoiding Amy's calls all day.

I don't feel like doing a damn thing. I really wonder if I'm depressed or something sometimes.

Anyways, this work is calling me.

I'll update later with something of substance that's actually interesting.

Til then,

Stay Positive.

Tempest-Rising

Caught a drop of sunlight
Drank it from a cauldron
With the moon juice dripping

She kissed me on a starlight
Didn't know she slowly
Worked herself into a frenzy

And Vanished
In the illusion
That is darkness

In the illusion
That is daytime
Leading into night time

All just floating
Spheres in space

If I were a moment, I would be
The one where she stood open
Faced to all that ever was

She's an atom now

Only one isolated

In this limited landscape

Nucleus is heated again
Because we're close
I don't know if I can

Handle standing
So far from her

Not with her glowing
White hot

Not with her breath dreaming
Crystals into the
Bare night

Orange specs
Of flight

That harangue
The night

Speaking volumes

An oratorical masterpiece
Of icy shards of speech

Crashing in the deep

I have a pimple on the back of my head.

It hurts.

And it's late, but I want to write, so I'm writing.

The ex is laying across my bed, sprawled across it right now, and I don't feel like waking her up.

School starts on Monday.

I have 3 classes: Chemistry, Java Programming, and Calculus.

Good times, seeing as most of the classes I've taken up until this point have been anything other than science or math related, I'm slightly terrified.

I'm sure I'll pull through though.

I have tunnel vision right now.

I'd love to discuss my current exploits, including a funny story about a girl I was dating a few weeks ago, but I'm much too tired.

So I'll just sit here and hint at it, never actually give you any fleshed out details, frustrate the hell out of you with fluff talk, and not write another post for a month.

Sounds like a plan.

Seriously though, I'll be getting a laptop within the week.

I will be writing because I will be alone and able to actually focus on it....

It will be good.

Until then, my friends, stay positive, always.

Good things will come to you.

Tempest-rising

p.s. I just bought Mark Z. Danielewski's book Only Revolutions the other day and I'm highly disappointed. Hopefully after reading it a bit more I'll get into it, but as of this junction, thumbs down. Booooo.

I guess I should write...

Because sometimes writing purges me of the muck that I live with daily.

Maybe tomorrow.

I'm optimistic right now.

My roommate came back from his trip to Scotland today.

My ex-girlfriend is laying in my bed right now, asleep. Engulfed in my 600 thread count sheets (I discovered these through a friend recently, what'd I ever do without them?!?!?).

I'm a metro, I know.

I'll be sure to stop by here in the next few days and purge it alllll...

Because believe me, I have some stories to tell.

Tempest-Rising.

It's 2:16 am and I'm high.

But it's okay. I'm about to go to sleep.

Sadly, not much has been going on in my life...

My daily ritual consists of: working out 3-4 hours a day, going to the beach 3-4 hours a day, and watching TV, movies, reading or hanging out with my friends the rest of the time.

Boring.

The ex is still here, although things have been getting worse and worse as the days pile on.

I'm not sure what to do anymore, and the energy I've been putting towards the few moments we have spent together have pretty much sapped any energy and confidence I could use to go out and get other females.

Luckily my roommate will be leaving on Thursday for 2 months on a research trip (he's a PhD student) so I'll have the apartment to myself... I'll just have to muster up the energy to get a girl back here. Shouldn't be too hard. He's my wingman though, so I'll have to work it by myself, or with some other friends who have no clue how to get girls.

We'll see.

Maybe I'll have to start off with a fattie (no offense to my overweight readers, I love you all, really I do), no, I only lowered my standards once in my life.

Didn't turn out too well.

I'll leave that for another day when I'm not tired/high.

Good night all...

Stay Positive.

Tempest-Rising

I'm fuckin drunk right now.

And I'm listening to a depressing song my friend made.

It's 2:20 AM I've been in a melancholy mood all day.

On Sunday, I'm going to a studio in Hollywood, so I'm trying to finish a couple songs right now, but nothing (and everything) is coming to me.

She's called me a bunch of times today.

(Amy, who else)

Fuck it.

I can't stand it anymore.

I want to be a good friend, but through this whole process, I've been the one who's gotten the shitty end of the stick.

I'm tired of it.

I feel right now, like I'm the one that's been drained of my energy, I have zero confidence right now. She's been meeting guys, of course, she's hot, but (partly because I'd rather hear about it than not, or at least I thought) she tells me about it and it rips me apart. I've gone on a couple of dates, met a few girls, but all I think about is her at the end of the day, when I haven't even put a move on the girl, and she's obviously a little weirded out by it. Like, I've been on two dates with hot girls I met, and I talked to one girl the other night (who ended up being insane actually, haha) but I find my mind wandering to her!!!

AAAaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

I got fired from my job a few weeks ago, and I haven't done shit but go to the gym and hang out.

*depressed*

And I'm drunk right now.

(really, so so so drunk, I know I'm writing coherently, but I'm stumbling, and writing words over and over and over again cuz I keep typing the wrong keys)

I know I sound fucked up, but really, wait, I am!

(and I'm drinking more wine)

(and this beat is getting more sinister as I get more drunk)

(and these words I'm writing are becoming more and more real as I feel it [the drunkenness] more and more)

I'm tired of bullshitting my way through things.

Relationships, friendships, girlfriends.

Fuck that shit.

It's funny, because the song I'm writing sounds like a suicide note, and I called my friend who made the beat, and he said when he made it, he was super depressed and high out of his mind. I was listening to some of the beats he sent me, and saying the stuff that came naturally (the melancholy nonsense I'm feeling in my spirit right now) and it just didn't sound right, cuz they're all really upbeat and catchy. Then I put on this disgustingly abstract, weird, suicidal beat he gave me a few days ago when he was here, and all of a sudden, throughout my entire being I could feel this energy rush through me.

The beats called "Therapy" too.

Funny.

I want to write all night.

(partly because it'll waste time I should be spending making the music I will be recording on Sunday night)

I'm not prepared, but then again, I never am.

The other day, while lifting weights, I dropped a 65 pound dumbbell on my chest.

It hurts a little bit.

My friend was spotting me, but he pressed the tendon or something in my inner elbow, and it was like a release mechanism, it just fell and hit my chest.

And it's hurt ever since.

I still went to the gym anyways afterwards and worked through the pain, but it's been hurting bad.

I've iced it every day and it still hurts.

I'm gonna go to the chiropractor tomorrow.

(What the fuck boring nonsense am I writing?!?!?!?!)

I bet once I actually have a song worked out, I'll be far too wasted to even record it, I recorded myself messing around, and I was slurring my words like crazy, and I sounded like I was hearing the beat 4 seconds late, hahaha.

Drunken song making (and blogging) is awesome. For me at least.

I've listened to this beat like 50 times and it hasn't gotten old yet because it explains every feeling I'm feeling right now. I look away from the screen and I feel dizzy. I'm gonna go get some more alcohol...

So I just sat here and listened to the beat and watched the visualizations on Media Player for like 5 minutes like I was high. For some reason, when I get drunk like this, I have this weird focus like I'm high. Like little tiny details become all that exist for me, and everything disappears into the fog. So lemme really go fill up my drink...

(I know you're probably thinking, "No!!! Don't do it!" I don't do this often, not like this, not alone, ever, so it's a new thing for me)

I'm not drunk enough though.

I want to get so drunk that the emotion and the world pours out of me.

My head keeps hanging to the side limply.